I don't even know how to properly express my complete gratitude and happiness about today. Having the Yankees honor Steven was something I've wanted since his passing. I wanted a type of acknowledge -- his name on the board at Yankees stadium, a small get together for his friends and I, a player signed baseball. Anything. I wanted just to know that they were listening. I wanted to see his name among his heroes as his dying wish.
Since Steven was so passionate about his sports teams, his dad and I always talked about how awesome it would be to include all of them in his memorial. He was a Devils fan - I had a brick for him put in at the Prudential Center. He used to work for the Bowie Baysox - They had a memorial game for him last April. I knew that I HAD to get the Yankees involved but it was nearly impossible. They must receive so many requests everyday for this type of thing. I exhausted all my Yankees connections.
Steven's birthday was this past week (2/28). I texted his dad to let him know that I was thinking about him. His response back was "One of the things that I thought about was how lucky Steven was to meet you and have you in his life. I'm looking forward to your visit. This Saturday I'm going to the first Spring Training game in Clearwater, the Yankees are coming to play the Phillies. I am making a sign - please remember Steven Smith and putting some of his Yankee photos on it." I told him that it was a really nice idea, that I was the lucky one to have met Steven and that I hoped someone took notice.
Luckily, someone did.
Hearing the pure elation and joy in his dad's voice when he called me would've made anyone feel good. It means more to his parents than I ever could blog about.
A lot of people had said to me that it's crazy all the things I was able to accomplish in his memory. The only answer I have is that I wouldn't have been able to accomplish anything if Steven wasn't as personable, friendly, knowledgeable, likable and as generous as he was. Steven was so unique and had so much talent. Other people just do not compare. It is hard to deny that he truly was one in a million. The stories I've heard about him since his passing only make my love for him even stronger.
Having the Yankees recognize Steven was the greatest thing that I could've ever asked for. I literally cannot even wrap my head around how thoughtful and amazing it all is.
Even though I'm a Mets fan, I have to show my love for the pinstripes <3
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I walked back into my dorm but something wasn’t right. It wasn’t like I had a gut feeling like something was wrong, I just wasn’t happy. I remember thinking how wrong I was for being sad. I just spent an amazing weekend with Steven. I think for the first time he was actually grasping just how deep my feelings were for him. We made plans to meet each others parents, and he was the one that planned it. My senior thesis was done. I had 3 finals to take and I was home in a week. I was going down to see Steven for New Years and then go down again to go to
. I had my dream internship starting in just over a month and Steven was going to move to Atlantic City Brooklyn and he asked me to move in during the week with him. There was no reason for me to be sad.
I walked into my dorm room to find Kristina fighting with her boyfriend. I giggled and thought back to how Steven called this in the car. I pulled out my phone and texted him “You’re right. They are fighting again!”
I let Kristina and her boyfriend have the room so they could argue in private. I took my laptop out in the common area. I had about an hour and 45 minutes till Steven got home. I kept myself busy by responding to a few emails I received over the weekend. I emailed my employer and told them that I wouldn’t be able to work on New Years because I was going to spend the weekend with my boyfriend.
News about Cliff Lee signing with the Phillies broke about 45 minutes after Steven left. I was tempted to text him but withheld. I didn’t want to be mean since I knew he wanted Cliff Lee to be in pinstripes more than anything. I tweeted him instead. I read something like "So @stevensmithy just left, and I miss the little bugger already =/"
It was just before and I had the sudden urge to text him a bunch of things. I thought about sending him a Cliff Lee text. I remembered my friend in
Long Island was having a holiday party that Saturday and I thought of texting him to tell him to come. I talked myself out of it and figured I’d tell him when he got home. I thought of texting him telling him I love him. I laughed at myself and said to myself “how classless are you, Madi? Actually tell him I love him in a text? Are you kidding?” (yes, I have legit convos with myself)
I emailed my mom to tell her about my New Years plans. Here is the email I sent her:
sorry, I would call you but it's .
1) I miss you
2) I'll be home a week from tomorrow
3) I think dad is coming down this weekend possibly to move some stuff out? not too sure yet though. if not, i'll keep the stuff in my common area.
4) I have a final thursday, 1 final and a presentation friday and my last final is monday. I'm staying till Tuesday because Kristina and I are going out that night.
5) Steven asked me to go see a band called Passion Pit on New Years Eve with him. (I love this band/they are signed to the place i'm interning) The show is in
though and he isn't sure if his parents will let a girl sleep at his house so we are trying to think of what to do. He talked about possibly getting a hotel, but I know that probably doesn't look good to you (but I am 21 and he’s a great guy! You’ll like him!) but I can always drive to Kristina's house after or something I guess. Montclair, NJ
I requested it off from both jobs already. Even if I don't end up going, I don't want to work. This is my first
NYEbeing 21 and I want to spend it with Steven.”
I put my ipod on shuffle and suddenly David Cook’s song “Come Back to Me” came on. Being a huge music lover, I tend to tweet music lyrics all the time. The one line that stuck out to me was “Just know I’m here whenever you need me, I’ll wait for you.” I tweeted it without even thinking twice about it.
By now it was . Steven’s
GPS said that he should be home at . I figured that he probably stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts and it added a bit of time to his travel. I gave it until when I sent my first text:
“Babe, let me know when you get home. It’s been 3 hours and I’m just nervous cause I haven’t heard from you yet.”
I called him at . It rang as normal and eventually went to voicemail. I remember being mad, thinking that he went home and went to bed and forgot to text me.
I just sat at my computer for another hour. At , I texted him again.
“I’m scared. Let me know as soon as you get this that you’re okay. I tried calling”
Again, no response.
I sat at my computer for another half an hour, waiting for him to tweet anything. I was exhausted. I barely slept when Steven was there because he took up the entire bed. I barely slept the week leading up to his arrival because of my thesis. I felt sick from being so worn out. At , I gave in and made my way to bed.
Kristina was already sleeping so I never got to tell her that Steven hadn’t responded to me. I looked at my bed and saw my Hanukkah card to Steven resting on my bed. I thought it was weird since Steven and I had been sitting right there earlier and didn’t notice it. I reread it again and smiled. It read:
“Happy Hanukkah Steven!
I’m so happy I got to know you this year. You’re an awesome person and no matter what I’m here for you! I hope you have an amazing year. I can’t wait to spend more time with you.
I placed it on top of my desk, crawled into bed and played out every scenario of why he hadn’t called me; every scenario expect for what actually happened. What I figured had happened, and that I went to bed believing, was that the fight we had earlier in the night really pissed him off and that he faked his way through the rest of the night to leave without any drama. I know that isn’t true at all but that was the only thing that made sense at the moment.
I kept telling myself not to get worked up because (love Steven dearly) but he was kind of forgetful. It was just after . I set my alarm for because I knew Steven had something to go to at , so he had to be up by then. I remember just laying in bed and crying myself to sleep.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
At the top of the staircase in my dorm, I took his suitcase from him.
“You don’t need to carry my things, babe”
“Steven, you’re my effing guest and you’ll like it!”
His bag was incredibly heavy for a 2 night stay. I asked him again if he brought his brick collection with him. He laughed, grabbed the bag and said “more like my feather collection!”
We were outside of my hall, heading towards the parking lot. He looked up at the sky and asked if I thought it was safe to drive. I told him that I thought it was okay since the rain had stopped hours earlier. I told him he could stay the night and I’d wake him up so he could get where he had to go in the morning. He said “No, there is no way I’m waking up early to get back to
.” I wanted to make sure there is no ice so I attempted to slide along the sidewalk. I told him that if I slipped on any ice, he had to stay. I never slipped. New Jersey
We continued our way to his car. I placed his collage and t-shirt in the drunk, next to his suitcase.
“That collage took me some time to make. You better put it up.”
“I will hang it in my room as soon as I get home and send you a picture!”
I went to kiss him goodbye but he asked for me to sit with him in his car for 15 minutes before he left to talk.
I got in his car and he had a Nunzio’s Pizzeria menu on the passenger seat. I sarcastically said “What is this shit doing on my seat?” (Steven and I were in a debate over which state has better pizza –
or New York – clearly New Jersey is the winner). I tossed the menu in the backseat. New York
Steven reached in his pocket and said “oh no, I don’t think I have the Giants lighter you bought me. I think I left it on your bed.” I hadn’t seen the lighter all weekend and I thought he just said it to make me feel good. He then pulled the Giants lighter that I bought him when he came up for my birthday out of his pocket.
“Babe! You still have it? You lose everything. I can’t believe you still have it.”
“I really don’t go anywhere without it. It’s always close to me because it reminds me of you.” He placed it back in his pants pocket.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it and said “You’ll always be my princess. You know that, right?” I told him I knew.
I called the hotel that we were planned at staying at for New Years. The price was $135 for the night. I got off the phone and told Steven.
“Hmmmm $135. That’s a bit steep.”
“Yeah but I have to stay somewhere in
. My dad doesn’t want me driving after and I live 3 hours away.” New Jersey
“I know! We can either pull an all nighter or you can sleep in my car and I’ll keep it running all night in some parking lot for you.”
I laughed at his suggestions but he was very serious.
“Is there anyway we could stay at your house? 2 different rooms, of course.”
“I mean, I can sneak you in my house and sneak you out the next morning”
“No, Steven. If we become anything serious, I don’t want to be known to your parents as “the girl Steven snuck in our house on New Years””
“Hmmm you’re right. I think they’ll be cool with you staying. I’m gonna go home and tell them all about you. They know a bit about you, but you’ll be the only girl I’ve ever brought home. You’re the only girl I’ve been with that I would ever introduce to my parents.”
I kissed him and told him that I was excited to meet his parents.
“What do your parents know about me?” he asked.
I said “Well, they think we met at the Mets game. I still don’t think they’ll be cool with the whole Twitter thing.”
“How do they think we met?”
“I told them that you asked me the stat on a player”
He laughed EXTREMELY loud and said “They are going to know that is such a lie the minute the meet me. Me? Ask you the stat of a player? HAHAH!!!!”
I sat there and just gave him a look as he loved every minute of it.
“Can we have a Skype date as soon as I get home?”
“You wanna Skype tonight even though we just spent 2 days straight together?”
“Of course, babe!”
I told him that it was the cutest thing ever that he wanted to Skype when he got home.
“Well, I suppose I should head out. I’m going to take the long way out of the parking lot though so I can spend as much time possible with you.”
As he pulled out of the parking spot, I complimented his car.
“You know, this car is really sexy. Like, the sexiest car I’ve ever seen a man drive.” I said.
“Oh, you think so? You, of all people, need to find this car sexy. That’s all that matters”
He pulled to the front of the parking lot. It was .
“Okay, I’ll leave at . I can’t believe I won’t see you for the next 18 days. That’s so sad” He made a very upset face as he said it.
He said “Kristina and her boyfriend actually got along tonight. I’ll put money on it though that they will be fighting by the time you go inside though.” I agreed with him.
“I suppose I should go” he said with another sad face.
I kissed him once and went to reach for the door handle. I had to go back for another kiss. I reached back for the handle, but had to go back for another. I went back and forth about 6 times.
“BABE!!!! You’re being such a bad ass. I love it!”
I laughed and said “I’m your bad ass, forever!”
I kissed him one last time and said “I’m sorry, I just keep having to kiss you goodbye. I don’t want to let you go yet.”
.”You don’t have to say goodbye. I’ll see you again!” He said with a huge smile.
I got out of the car and ran around the front of it. It was freezing outside so I made my way quickly back to the dorm.
“Babe, wait!” Steven yelled from his car.
“I sat outside, about 15 feet away from the car and replied “yeah?”
“Come back here!”
It was probably about 15 degrees outside. He was sitting in his car that had been warming up for the past 15 minutes and I was just in a sweatshirt. He rolled his window down about 4 inches.
“Ummm can you roll it down a little bit more?”
“Yeah, but it’s cold out there!”
“I’m well aware, Steven. I’m standing out in it.”
I looked at his
GPS and it said his ETA was . I told him that I wanted him to go because it was getting way too late.
“Okay, I may stop and get Dunkin Donuts so if I’m home a little after 1:33am, don’t get nervous!”
“Okay, I won’t but I want you to leave now babe.”
“Before I leave, I want you to promise me something.”
“Of course, what is it?”
“Promise me that you’ll never change.”
“I promise you that no matter whatever happens, I will never change.”
“I’m serious. Don’t let anyone come in and change a single thing about you because you are the most amazing person I have ever met and I’m so glad you are in my life.”
“I think the same about you too, Steven”
I kissed him. He pulled away and said “Holy shit, that was the best kiss of my life and I’m not just saying that!”
I laughed and told him to stop being a smart ass.
“Okay for real, I need to leave. See you in 18 days, hopefully sooner though!”
I went in for one last kiss and while doing so a million thoughts ran through my head. I wanted to tell him I loved him but was too nervous to do it.
I kissed him, pulled away, and looked at him and with tears in my eyes said “I absolutely adore you.”
He just stared at me and said “I adore you more than anything else in the world.”
I gave him one last kiss and he left.
I made my way back to my dorm and set up my computer in my common area for the Skype date that would never happen.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I continued to put my shoes on and remember being so thankful that our disagreement actually happened. I think he finally understood that I was committed to him and that I was head over heels for him(not that I don’t think he knew that before, but that’s when I actually felt like he got it).
I asked Kristina if she wanted to come to McGillicuddy’s restaurant with us. She was waiting for her boyfriend at the time to come up so she said that she would join us later if it wasn’t too late. Steven and I left the dorm and went to my car. He showed me again how to “properly” defrost the windows in my car.
Cuddy’s was PACKED. We didn’t think Kristina and her boyfriend were going to show but we ended up with a table for 4 anyways. Steven sat down on the side facing the TV with the Giants game (of course). I wanted to watch the game too so I sat down next to him. “So, a sports game is what it takes to get you to sit on the same side of the booth and hold hands with me? That’s my kind of woman”
We talked mostly about the game. He talked about the types of plays and all the players’ stats. It was truly remarkable all of the knowledge he could just name off the top of his head.
Our waitress was an absolute bitch. That’s actually too nice of a word to use. She just had such a frown on her face the entire time she was talking to us. I asked Steven “Do you think she ever smiles?” and he said “I don’t think she has it in her. Girls that don’t smile piss me off. That’s why I’m so attracted to you. You’re never not smiling!”
Kristina texted me and told me that she would be joining us at Cuddy’s. I told Steven and he sarcastically said “Oh, that means my best friend, Vinny, is coming! Can’t wait!” Literally 5 minutes later, Kristina and her boyfriend come in and join us. Steven and Vinny pounded it out like the besties that they were.
The waitress came to take our order. I ordered 10 hot wings. Steven ordered 20 wings – 10 mild and 10 Thai chili. Steven and Vinny sat there taking about the game. Vinny asked Steven what the “over/under” was (I’m not even sure what that means) and he immediately was able to tell him.
Our wings came. I was only able to finish 9 of the 10 that I ordered. Steven not only finished all 20 wings, but then went ahead and ordered another 10 more- garlic parmesan this time. He said that since it was wing night and they were so cheap, he was allowed to. The waitress left but Vinny wanted to order more wings too. He asked for Steven to get her attention since she was closer to him. Steven joking said out loud “Ayo Bitch!” I was hysterical laughing because this waitress was so nasty to us and it was so funny to see nerdy Steven saying “Ayo bitch”.
(This may be too much information but it’s my story and I’ll include it anyways) I was very nervous for some reason and I think my bladder shrinks or something when I’m anxious so I kept on having to go to the bathroom. Within the course of the hour, I went to the bathroom 3 times. After I came back from the bathroom the third time, Steven with this smirk on his face and trying to hold back from laughing said “I’m just going to say what we are all thinking – you have a very small bladder.”
Steve Smith of the New York Giants was being shown on the screen and Steven looked at me and said “Can we get matching Steve Smith jerseys? I’m sure his girlfriend wears his jersey.” I thought it would be really cute so I agreed.
The party at the table next to us ordered the most delicious looking brownie sundae. I remember drooling over it. I said “I want that!” and Steven, without hesitation, said “if you want it, it’s yours” and ordered it for me. He ordered 2. One for “me” and one for Kristina and Vinny to share. He said that it was “all for me” because he ate so many wings and didn’t need the brownie. I knew that he couldn’t resist the brownie though once it came.
I was right. The brownie was put in front of me and I teased him with it. I said “Too bad you ate so many wings that you couldn’t POSSIBLY eat just one spoonful of this delicious brownie sundae.” Eventually, he caved and we ended up splitting it.
He wanted to pay for the whole meal but I told him I felt better splitting it. He put up a fight but I was really adamant about making sure we were fair. I never wanted to make him feel like he was being used.
We left Cuddy’s and went back to my dorm. In the car, he asked me what states I’ve been to. I named a few and said “You won’t believe it. I’ve been all over, but I’ve never been to
. EVER!” He looked at me shocked and said “Don’t worry babe. I’ll make sure you go there soon.” I didn’t really think much of that statement at the time. Pennsylvania
We got back to my dorm and I kept my shoes on. It was and I imagined that he would want to grab his things and head back out to his car to leave. He took his shoes off and said “I can’t leave till the game is over.” I really didn’t argue with him because I wanted to spend as much time with him that I could. I should’ve made him leave right at 9 and said “No Steven. You’re leaving now before it’s too late” but there really was no fighting with him. We crawled on top of my bed and watched the game. Kristina and Vinny were sitting on her bed watching too. I remember he texted his dad something about the Paul McCartney concert on the Sirius radio and said that he would listen to it on the way home or something.
Again, the conversation focused around football. Kristina mentioned that our friend, Danielle, was having a holiday party out in
Long Island that coming Saturday. Steven made a comment saying “If Long Island kind of just…broke off…. from the rest U.S and floated away, would anyone truly miss it?” He had us laughing nonstop.
We then discussed our poor health services on campus. I told him about this one time that I had very bad headaches and they immediately diagnosed me with a brain tumor without even running an
MRI. He said “I wonder if I go in there complaining of a headache and if they’ll offer to give me a full rectal exam.” He always had me laughing, even when I didn’t want to.
We then talked about our finals schedule coming up. Kristina mentioned that she had 3 of them that Thursday. He recommended that she move them because he didn’t think that 3 within one day was fair or legal. The conversation then moved to our parents. Kristina asked us all what parent we would least like to make me. She said her dad, I said my mom and Steven said “neither. I wouldn’t want to make either mad. You know why? Because I’m Jewish.” I just remember once again laughing till I was in pain. He said it with such a straight face on too. I loved him so much.
By this time it was . The game had finally ended and he thought it would be a good time to head out. He packed up all of his things. Even I did a once over on the room to make sure nothing was there. He grabbed his duffel bag. I offered to grab the collage and t-shirt since I put them in a “girly bag” left over from my birthday. When leaving, Vinny told Steven that because he was Jewish, he was one of god’s chosen people. Steven said “that is 100% correct. Being Jewish is pretty awesome.” I told him that I knew the world “Shalom” and that was it. He said that he would work with me on my Hebrew. He said goodbye to Kristina and Vinny probably 10 times and we made our way to the door. He stopped at the door and said “Wait, I have to say goodbye to the rest of our suitemates.” He went to the other 4 dorm rooms that are connected in our suite and said his individual goodbyes to everyone. He told them all that he would see them again very soon and that he would be up here a lot next semester.
He went back into my room and asked me to go on my computer and find the number for the hotel I wanted to stay at in
when I went down to see him for New Years Eve. We wanted to stay somewhere close to where the Passion Pit concert was. I jotted the number down and told him I’d call and make the reservations outside. He made his way to the door and I followed behind him with his gifts. New Jersey
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The alarm went off at and Steven immediately said “Change the alarm to ”. Kristina ended up coming back to school around . She walked in and they exchanged hellos. I had the feeling Steven still wanted to sleep so I went out to the common area to talk. I remember telling her about my weekend with Steven and she told me about her boyfriend’s birthday weekend. I heard music coming from my room and went in to check on Steven.
Steven was sitting on my bed with his laptop playing music and checking in on some “beat the streak” basketball game. He had like a crazy 18 game win streak going and said that the winner gets a large cash prize. He promised that if he won the streak that we would go to
or Atlantic City . It was about at this point and I was starving. I asked Steven what he wanted for breakfast and he said that he wasn’t hungry. I told him that I needed to eat something and I really wanted Dunkin Donuts. He said “Okay, I’ll take you but we need to hurry. I need to listen to my friend’s radio show in 10 minutes.” Las Vegas
We started walking to my car and he told me about his friend with the radio show. His Twitter name is @eggshmeg and he’s from
. Steven told me that he wanted to go up to Canada over the summer to visit his friend, Greg, and that they were going to go to a Toronto Blue Jays game. I referred to this as a “bromance” too and he agreed with “totally”. He asked me to go with him when he went up to visit. Canada
I drove us to Dunkin Donuts since my car was parked closer to the dorm. Steven went to go grab the handle on the door and goes “You’re going to have to get this car serviced soon.” I said “Why do you say that? I haven’t even turned the car on yet.” He said “I don’t know, I can just sense it.”
At Dunkin Donuts, he got a large hazelnut coffee and insisted on ordering mine too. I always felt guilty when he paid, mainly because he told me that all of his exes used him and I wanted to prove I was different (even though I think he knew). I ordered a large French vanilla iced coffee and he paid. I then went ahead and ordered my breakfast sandwich and put it on my own card and he goes “What are you doing?” and I said “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not paying for every thing.” He smirked and said “You didn’t that on purpose, didn’t you? Don’t let it happen again, babe!”
When I parked my car back at school, it was raining lightly outside. He was on a mission to get inside so not to miss more of the radio program. He played the show off his computer and started to live tweet the music countdown. We sat on my bed and drank our coffees. I offered him some of my breakfast sandwich and he said “I’m Jewish. I can’t eat sausage. You better enjoy that because if you’re going to convert, you can’t eat it either.”
We listened to the radio show for hours. We just kind of just held hands and discussed different things in life for like 2 hours straight. Around , he received a text message from someone I wasn’t too fond of. I commented on it and for some reason, Steven acted like he was the one that was hurt by it. He started to pack up and said “I think it’s time I left” and this time I wasn’t going to make him stay, even though I wanted him to. I went to grab my shoes and my eyes started to water. As he was packing up he said “Are you crying?” and I said “no”, even though it was very obvious that I was. He came over to me and said “Please don’t cry. I won’t leave. I clearly like you. Other girls do not compare to you at all. I only want to be with you.” He then told me that he felt like I had a guard up and that he constantly tries to break it down but he didn’t know how. That’s when I started to really cry because I still to this day don’t know what I held back from him other than how in love with him I am. I promised him that I was absolutely crazy about him. I picked up the collage I made and said “Steven, I’m beyond broke. I was up till every day last week finishing my senior thesis, yet I still found the time and money to plan, buy and create the collage. That’s how you know a girl really cares. When no matter how crazy her life may be, she still finds time for you. No excuses.” He grabbed the collage and said “I love this collage. It’s going up as soon as I get home.” He stood right in front of me and I just remember almost poking him in the chest as I cried and said “I wish you knew how much I care about you” and he said “Trust me, I know.” He gave me a huge hug and said “Whenever you cry, you need to take deep breaths and just relax. You really need to work on just relaxing.” I said ok, and he said “I’m serious, do the deep breaths with me right now” and he put his hands on my shoulders and said “Breathe in….breathe out” and I immediately started to laugh. He said that was exactly what he wanted to happen.
He said “promise me that you won’t cry again” and he wiped away my tears and kissed me. I promised him that I wouldn’t cry again. He then said “You’ll always be my baby girl and I hate seeing you cry.” I think that this was like the first real breakthrough moment that I had with Steven. I think he may have finally been starting to understand the depth of my feeling for him. He said that he wanted to take me out to dinner before he went home.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
When “To Catch a Predator” was on, I couldn’t really have a conversation with him. He was so glued to the TV, and he knew these shows like the back of his hand. He had the pervs names and their stories memorized. He said something like “Up next, Marvin and his inner struggle” and about 1 minute later Chris Hansen (the host) goes “and after the break we will meet Marvin, a man with an inner struggle.” I remember just laughing at Steven and telling him how crazy he was for memorizing these pervs. We were squeezed in a twin size bed – he took up 90% of it. He had his laptop open and was live tweeting the entire event as I struggled to hold on to the 10% of the bed that was mine. He expressed an interest to me about setting up a local organization that captures perverts on a community scale. He said that those men were absolutely disgusting and said that "Girls under 18 are just that -- Girls. Plus, I'm yet to meet a girl under the age of 18 that has anything captivating or intellectual to say so that excuse isn't valid. These guys need to be shot" and I wholeheartedly agreed.
During commercial break, he said “Sign on your Twitter and tweet @Nebkreb. Tell him you are laying in bed next to me right now” (Steven and Ben had been “fighting” over me via Twitter about 2 weeks earlier and Steven would always tell me to tweet Nebkreb and tell him that I was either laying next to him, skyping with him or that I was having a “sexy party up in New Paltz that weekend with Steven” haha) I called him out for being obsessed with Ben/Nebkreb and that it was a serious “bromance.” He laughed and said “this isn’t a bromance, I’m just claiming what’s mine!”
A commercial came on that pertained to the Holocaust. Steven looked at me and said “You know babe, we are defying history right now. A Jew in bed with a German, what would our ancestors think?” I laughed and said they would be fine with it because we were happy, and he agreed.
After “To Catch a Predator”, we watched “Sarah Palin’s
” but had to turn it off because we couldn’t handle it anymore. He pulled out his laptop and turned on “The League”. By this time, it was about . Again, he hogged most of the bed. He laid on his back with his laptop on him and I had my 10% on the edge of the bed. I had to lie on my side and hold onto him or else I would fall off. During “The League”, I fell asleep because I was so exhausted from the previous week of finishing up my thesis and staying up until 4 nights in a row. I fell asleep for maybe 10 minutes and Steven woke me up – “Babe, you’re asleep!” and I looked at him so seriously and go “No shit!” I tried to stay awake but fell back asleep. Steven put on the show “Pawn Stars”. He woke me up again – “Baby, you’re snoring!” I apologized and said that I would try my best to stay awake, but failed. “Babe! You forgot to brush your teeth!” I knew at that point that he wasn’t going to let me sleep so I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and got back in bed and sat up to prevent myself from falling back to sleep. (looking back now, I’m so glad he woke me up) Alaska
We started talking and I don’t remember what the question was, but my answer was “well, I’m not doing that until I’m in love with someone” and he looked at me and said “ummm I thought we were already there?” but I didn’t know what to say back to that so I quickly changed the topic. I regret that so much. I wish I asked anything to get more information on that topic out of him but that’s something I’ll have to forever live with.
By this time, it was about on the morning of December 13th. We proceeded to have the most in depth conversation we ever had. We talked about all of our past relationships and went into detail about how royally screwed over we had been. We both experienced similar heartbreaks – we were such nice people and we dated people that took advantage of our generosity. I had only really kinda sorta dated one person before Steven, and I wouldn’t even consider him a boyfriend. I’m very picky and I don’t waste my time (sorry if that makes me sound like a bitch). I told him about my one terrible relationship. He then told me story after story of just heartbreak and I remember getting infuriated for him because I didn’t understand why anyone would ever be mean to Steven. He said that it was every single one of his past relationships that made him hesitant to fall once again, but that he was going to take the chance because he had never been happier.
Talking about these past relationships made him kind of upset. He laid on top of me and put his head on my chest and I just ran my fingers through his hair and promised him that I wouldn’t screw him over because 1) I cared about him more than I think he realized and 2) because the thought of anyone upsetting him made me mad, therefore if I was the one that made him upset, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. He said “I know, babe. You’re such a good person. I just hope these past relationships haven’t tainted my views on relationships so much that I’m not able to give you all you deserve” and I told him that he had been doing a great job at treating me right this far. While laying on my chest, he also mentioned that my heart was beating funny. He looked up at me to see if something was the matter and took a closer look at my Italian horn necklace. He asked me where I got it and I said that I went to Florence, Italy in the 10th grade and bought it there. He said "Very pretty, but I don't want you wearing it to bed. It looks like it could puncture you." I laughed and said "babe, you're so cute. I promise, I wont get hurt"
He named the names of these girls too and I know exactly who they are. They don’t know I know all of these stories, so they look very ridiculous to me now when they claim how much they loved and cared for him. I’m going to believe what the man I love told me.
He then started to discuss how badly he wanted a job. He said that he had been searching everywhere but with no luck. I told him I’d contact a few of my friends in the industry that week and see if they knew of any openings available. He said “If anyone can find me a job, it’s you!” and I said “Babe, I promise, everyone will know who Steven Smith is and his amazing talents by the end of this week! You’ll be all over the TV, newspaper and online!” He laughed and said “Can’t wait!”
We didn’t fall asleep till in the morning. We heard delivery trucks outside my dorm and people heading to breakfast. He laughed and said “We need to adjust our sleeping schedules – this can’t be healthy.” I agreed with him. He asked for me to set an alarm for so that way we didn’t sleep away his last day there. “When we get up, I’m taking you out for a classy breakfast!” he said. I told him that I looked forward to it. “Now, come here and let me spoon you! This is my favorite place to be” he said. He even offered to sleep on the edge and let me have the wall because he didn’t want me to fall off the bed.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
So we woke up on December 12th. The Jets-Dolphins game was on in about an hour. Steven and I laid in bed and quizzed each other on more geography. I remember he said “Wouldn’t it make us both so happy if we could wake up everyday for the rest of our lives next to one another?” and I laughed and said “Yes, Steven”
The game started and he was intently watching it. I think the Jets started to lose and he gave up a little bit of interest. He said “You only gave me 2 Hanukkah gifts…..Can #3 be a back rub?” and I, of course, said yes. He gave him a back rub for like 20 minutes and he goes “Wait, that’s it?! How about 10 more minutes?” I didn’t argue. After all, it was a Hanukkah gift.
Steven and I were pretty indecisive when it came to what we wanted to eat. He always said “I want you to pick cause you’re my girl” and I’d say “I want you to pick cause you’re my guest” It usually would result in me picking 3 places that I wouldn’t mind eating at and he’d make the final decision. He said “give me 3 places you’d like to eat at” and I remember I mentioned a local pub, maybe Sonic and 1 or 2 other places. He said he was in the mood for Mexican so we drove to this place in town.
We walked in this small taco shack where the prices ran about $10 for everything on the menu. Steven looked at me and goes “Sorry, I’m not paying $20 for Mexican food.” We walked back to my car and I asked him if Chinese was okay. He agreed and said “Sounds great.” I started driving to the Chinese restaurant and he saw a Thai restaurant along the way. “Wait, there is Thai food. Can we go there instead?” I parked the car and said that if that was what made him happy, it was fine with me.
We walked in the Thai restaurant and he immediately started making suggestions for what I should order. Right away, he put in an order for some type of appetizer with beef and cucumbers. It was pretty delicious. We ended up wanting the same thing for dinner. It was chicken and noodles with vegetables. Steven suggested that I ordered something different and he would just split his with me. I picked something else out. The waitress came to take our order and he ordered the mild version. I like my food as spicy as it can get so I ordered the same thing except spicy.
I tweeted this shortly after:
“Thai food with @stevensmithy. He ordered mild food, I ordered spicy.....Mets fans can handle the heat”
At dinner we talked about our plans to see one another over the next few months. We discussed New Years Eve and how we were going to see Passion Pit in
. He also said that after New Years but before I went back to school, he wanted to take me to New Jersey . He said that he had a lot of vouchers to stay at the hotels for free. His Grandma lives in AC and he said that he wanted me to meet her as well. We also talked Valentine’s Day. He laughed and said “Babe, it’s December. You are already planning Valentine’s Day?” and I told him that “Real women that care about a man will plan things. Immature little girls won’t think about it till the day before.” He was laughing so hard and said “I guess you’re the first real women I’ve been with then." Atlantic City
We also talked about his birthday. I think I was more excited for it than he was. He said "I already told you, I've never had a fun birthday." I promised him that I would change that and he said "I'm going to hold you to it-- giggity" <3
We also talked about his birthday. I think I was more excited for it than he was. He said "I already told you, I've never had a fun birthday." I promised him that I would change that and he said "I'm going to hold you to it-- giggity" <3
I remember the bill came for the Thai food and it was about $55. He said "Damn, Thai food is much cheaper in New Jersey. Next time you come down, I'll take you to this really good place." I said "You wouldn't buy Mexican because it would've been $20, but this bill came to $55!" I wanted to give him another Hanukkah gift so I paid for about $45 of the bill and let him handle the remaining $10 and the tip.
When we got back to my dorm, he saw that I had tweeted him. He responded:
stevensmithy: “@MadisonAinsley i can handle your heat. i have been all weekend so far.”
By heat, he was referring to my feistiness. Him and I continued to tweet one another back and forth.
Madisonainsley: @stevensmithy there is no need for you to lie to your followers to make yourself sound cool
Stevensmithy: @MadisonAinsley there is no need for you to sit right next to me and tweet bullshit. =)
Madisonainsley: @stevensmithy appreciate the honesty :)
Stevensmithy: beating @MadisonAinsley by 4 followers. she sulks to the left of me
Madisonainsley: How does @stevensmithy have 4 more followers than me? What is this world coming to? He giggles victoriously to the right of me.
He said something to me in person and I told him “Your puns are punny.”
Stevensmithy: "your puns are punny" -@MadisonAinsley. what fucking insight she gives.
Madisonainsley: Why you gotta be blowing up my spot like this?
Stevensmithy: lol @ "blowing up my spot"
Stevensmithy: lol @ "blowing up my spot"
Madisonainsley: @stevensmithy im so punny and you know it!
Stevensmithy: @MadisonAinsley are we losers for tweeting across the same room?
MadisonAinsley: @stevensmithy this just in: you hate on my mad epic pool skills.
Stevensmithy your epic ability to scratch. =) RT @MadisonAinsley: @stevensmithy this just in: you hate on my mad epic pool skills.
We eventually stopped tweeting each other. We laid down to watch Family Guy and ended up falling asleep until about 10. He woke up and was mad that he fell sleep and started to pack his stuff up to leave. He said he wanted to leave if all he was going to do was sleep. He said he could sleep at home and that he would come back up a different date when he wasn’t going to end up sleeping the whole time. I was upset and told him that if he left like that I would be really mad. I said “I don’t let anyone leave while we aren’t on good terms.” I suggested we go play pool to entertain us till “To Catch a Predator” came on.
He took the game of pool really seriously. I never really played before so I pretty much sucked. If he missed a shot, he would blame the fact that the pool table was crooked or something. If I missed the shot, it was just because I was terrible at it. We played it for about an hour and a half. He made up a rule that for every shot he made, I had to give him a kiss. Not going to lie, I made it really easy for him to make the shot. ;-)
He won 4 out of the 5 games. It was much more exciting to watch him gloat with his win than it would be for me to actually win. I didn’t mind losing to him. Then, we went upstairs to watch his favorite show, To Catch Predator #TCAP.